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Stressed - 2004-06-27 Nick at Nite - 2004-06-25 Think Good Thoughts! - 2004-06-22 Turning Weakness Into Strength - 2004-06-20 Appearance - 2004-06-20 2003-07-02 - 11:53 p.m. - I'm All Retrospect-y If there's one constant in my life, it's that I really shouldn't have days off...I get to retrospect-y. One might argue that it's good to think life over as often as possible, that it helps keep reality in check. One might also argue that it gets you too dramatic...too concerned about nothing. Either way, I suppose...and today, I've seen it from both angles. You know, what I really wouldn't give for some Mom time right now...people come down on the preverbial "momma's boys", and those who rely too much on their mother. Are they any more men if they're more dependant on their father? My father and I don't communicate...it's my mother and I that have always had the healthier relationship. In the last couple of years, she'd become very health-concious, and began walking...she dropped over 60 pounds in 6 months, and I'm very proud of her for this. This walking time also gave us valuable time together, to communicate, and to know each other better. I have to admit that even though we still talk somewhat regularly, ever since "the confession" (see? Dramatic...), things just haven't been the same, and most likely: never will be. But she always gave me such valuable insight, and even if she didn't say anything too wise or knowledgable in a night's walk, she always made me see things from a different perspective by the time I was done. I thought she'd take the news better than she did, honestly...she seems to me in one of those places where "oh, if I don't mention it, and he doesn't, it will go away". It is understandable that I'm troubled by this, is it not? I went for a walk by myself around the ol' track tonight. It felt lonely, somehow...the only times I've walked out there by myself is when I'm on my phone (I'm kind of a pacer when I talk on the phone). But I needed to get out. I just had too much running through my head, and a day full of sitting around or in front of the computer just wasn't good enough anymore. I've been giving semi-serious consideration to move as of late, and have very possibly decided to set course for somewhere in the Duluth, MN area. I haven't really thought this through financially yet, and as such, it may not be possible, but I was thinking that maybe Fargo isn't the right place for me to move onto new things. I really would like to start meeting new people, maybe even dating...but I'm too timid to let things out here...I don't know how true it would be, but I've always felt that around these particular faces and people, I have too much to lose. I'm not out out here, and I've often wondered if I would be more public about it should I meet the right guy. And I think that I would. The only reason I'm not out right now is that I have no reason to be. I have no reason to run the risk of finding out who my real friends might or might not be...but I would. I sincerely think I would, if there were someone here now. I would love for there to be a change now, honestly. It would be perfect to have the kind of relationship my roommate and his girlfriend have (except with a guy, of course...). They're a couple--very close, but when they hang out, they're really hanging out. They're not all over each other constantly, although you can tell that they're a distinct couple. They're comfortable to be around, and yet they've got that closeness...damn, I sure do envy him sometimes...most times... But anyway, I suppose...it's about that time again. I have a meeting at 9:30 tomorrow morning. Blah...leave it to them to schedule one of my day off. Have a great night.
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